Some things to pay attention to, to help in making a decision about whether or not to become involved in a particular relationship:
Does this add to or detract from my other relationships? (In particular my primary relationship, if I have one)
Am I increasing intimacy or avoiding intimacy?
What are the likely effects of making love to this new person? Will I/we like the residues?
Is this encouraging personal growth?
Am I paying attention to my own needs? To my partners' needs?
What are my motivations?
How does this fit into my existing life? Do I have enough time for this?
Does this feel life affirming?
What do my inner voices say about this?
Tools for self-acceptance - questions and actions
Lack of self-acceptance can be a real problem in relationships, especially in polyamorous relationships. Insecurity often underlies jealousy. Here are some questions to ask yourself and actions to take to help you develop more self-acceptance.
What do I especially appreciate in friends and other people?
How do I manifest those qualities that I particularly appreciate?
Keep a notebook of the ways you manifest those qualities.
Start a practice of doing a good deed every day.
See how that makes you feel.
Tell people what you appreciate about them.
Every evening, write down some things that you particularly appreciate about yourself on this day.
Reread these when you're feeling bad about yourself.
Dr. Martin Seligman found that his students reported that doing a good deed helped them feel better longer than doing something for relaxation, such as seeing a movie.
Cascade Spring Cook (Elaine Cook)
707-794-7334
cascade(at)aphroweb.net
